the joy in waiting

Before I move on to the next adventures of my soon-to-be-bride self, let me go down memory lane and talk about how I joyfully waited until I reached this point in my life.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the Lord made me wait like since birth before He finally gave me His sweetest surprise. I had gone through my share of tears from heartbreaks, my cups of insecurities, my emo moments, and so on – just like most of us, girls.

The Lord allowed me to embrace both the good and bad that the world offers before He decided to realize the best love story ever (okay, it’s me who’s writing this piece so allow me to use those words).

I remember when I reached mid-20’s down to my (ehem!) late 20’s (excuse me, I am still in the 20-ish bracket). I had my share of monologues. Asking God, “Do you really want me single all my life?” “Do you want me for religious life?” and those moments of solitude (emo moments, you know?) when I’d ask myself, “Am I not good enough to be noticed?” “Am I ugly?” “Should I change my negotiables and non-negotiables to meet guys’ expectations?” “Should I just be carefree and let loose and stop being ‘mataray’?”

When you’re on that stage and you are not in a relationship and most of the younger ones have one, you just have a lot of unanswerable questions in mind. Hahaha!

But God is good. Really. He is so good that He made me realize one day that perhaps the reason why I am still single at that time was because He is not finished with me yet, and that He is still preparing him too. The waiting is the Lord’s unspoken words to tell me that, “Hey daughter, there are so much more that you need to do so you can be fully ready to have someone in your life.”

It was one day that the Lord woke me up with a realization that the time I had alone was the very exact time that the Lord planned for me so I can enjoy my singleness, have fun with what the world can offer to a young adult like me. It was the Lord’s way of telling me that I should explore the world out there (with proper caution of course) and see how beautiful it is. It was the Lord’s will so I can say now that I have fully lived my single life.

Those times when I was alone were the times that God allotted so I can go to places I’ve never been, and do things I’ve never done. In those moments, I also got to know myself more. I got to know how impatient I can be, how bully I am – okay, more on the positive side now – how I was beautifully created by God. He made me feel so loved. He equipped me talents and skills. He made me serve Him, love Him and long for Him first.

A lot of single women – usually Christians – have used the word, “joyfully wait” or “the joy in waiting”. For me, the joy in my waiting were those times I had with myself and God. Those getting to know myself better moments. The moments when God showed me how much He loves me and how I am so worth it.

No, it is not about bragging about anything. It’s not about me being proud of myself. It is about bragging and being proud that I allowed myself to be loved and to love the greatest Lover the world has ever had. I was and am loved by a God of joy, a God of love and a God of promises. He made me wait so I can love Him and He can love me even more. So much that my love cup would overflow and I’d have enough (or more) to give to the one he prepared for me.

Today, as I look back, I could not be anything but grateful to the Lord. I am grateful that He made me go through all that I have gone through in life so I can be here now. Truly, all is worth it. Truly, there is joy in waiting.

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